avoidance - the great tell
Have you ever really felt the pull to do something, and then completely ignored it?! Me too. And here’s how:
- Watch The Sopranos before bed
- Over-clean the house (if that is a real thing with kids around)
- Organize my creative space
- Re-organize the house
- Write lists
- Start blogs
- Start projects
- Eat snacks
- Be “inspired” by other moms on Instagram
- Listen to podcasts about how to own your creativity, at home with kids (favorite quote, “unless you are on fire, turn around and walk out of this room”)
Avoid what? Writing. I have not felt this compelled to write and then not done it for so many days, (ahem, weeks) ever. Why avoid? Because then I can’t do it “wrong”. I don’t even really buy that line of thinking!!! But the recovering perfectionist comes back en force. These tendencies that I’ve had FOREVER are annoying to me at best and make relationships complicated, but I honestly didn’t think it was that big of a deal until having kids and watching them do what I do. Fixate on the details of things that are possibly not that big of a deal. It’s tricky because who’s to say if it IS or IS NOT a big deal? Depends on who’s got skin in the game I suppose. My favorite parent educator recently reminded me, so gently, that people who seek perfection are generally a. trying to get things “right” to avoid suffering and b. will experience much unhappiness/disappointment throughout their lives because of it. Avoid suffering? ME??So I’ve been working on it. Here’s how: I say, “That’s good enough!”, or give the ol’ 👍 Then I smile and walk away. Doesn’t always work, but helps a lot.
On the other side, out of the moment, I think about my own fears. Am I really trying to avoid suffering? Isn’t suffering just the nature of the world? (again, with the not really buying it) I’m attempting to open up my dialogue with these fears around getting things right. I’m interested in how to cultivate my authentic voice, and living an impassioned life. Instead of proliferating a cycle of avoidance, I’m TRYING to stop and ask some questions.
What do you need to tell me? Where can I be a better listener? Where does this feeling live in my body? What does it look like/feel like? And then I do my version of praying. It’s taking 1-3 deep breaths and leaning back into my own wisdom within.
Still waiting for answers.
xo, Whitney
